I'm back on the cab again, for two main reasons. One, to fulfill the required 35 hrs a week in order to keep the Govt off our back, and two, the extra money can be helpful while the freelance slowly picks up. Slowly.
It's been a while since I was on the cab. Since I'd left the last time, they'd gotten rid of the three diesel LTI's (London Taxi International), the iconic black London cabs. They were lemons, kept breaking down. Instead, Ed, the owner, bought two more of these cabs, but they were still in the shop being painted and readied for the road.
In the meantime, Ed added a new airport shuttle bus, bought a used Greyhound bus for uses unspecified. The remaining vehicles, a Lincoln Town Car and a second shuttle bus, were still running.
When I showed up last night I was reminded of the last member of the Cab livery — a 1958 Austin London Cab. This old diesel is a true relic, and frankly, I didn't know it still ran. The driver is on the right hand side, as they are in London. There is a large bench seat in the back with ample leg room. On the opposite of the driver is an open space reserved for luggage. Three decorated pieces of old luggage sit here as props.
I was reminded of the Austin because I would be driving it, at 10pm, to pick up a couple and taking them to a restaurant. They specifically requested a London Cab. The Austin is the only one until the newer LTI's show up.
Chris, one of the shuttle drivers, showed me how the old girl worked, how to fire it up, where the light switch was, how to shut down and so forth. I figured I'd try and get a couple of minutes in to test out the gears and clutch, see how this old thing rolled. But I was immediately sent out to a different run, so I'd have to wait until later, hopefully in enough time before the 10pm pickup.
Ed reminded me to pick up a bottle of champagne and get a couple of glasses and a chill bucket from the hotel bar. The extra touch.
I had a run at 8:30, taking three drunk yahoos from the hotel to Huntington Beach. They were from Las Vegas, didn't have a brain cell between them, and certainly didn't have the looks to make up for it. The problem was that I wouldn't be back to the hotel until almost 9:30, which only left 30 minutes to drive the Austin out to the boonies to pick this couple up. Literally the boonies... some new development called Dove Canyon, which I'd never heard of, and it was 23 miles from the hotel.
I had to coordinated with the other drivers to get the champagne ready. I wasn't going to have enough time. Ed was getting nervous, but he was actually in Las Vegas himself, so he could only be nervous over the phone.
With champagne readied, the toll road transponder in hand, I fired up the old Austin. It came to life eager and ready to go. Swifting was not a problem. The four-speed box reminded me of my old 1958 Volkswagen Bug back in Australia. The Austin wasn't as easy to steer, though. It required true power steering, provided entirely by muscle.
Chris did mention that the old machine was capable of only 50 mph top speed. That's all I got. I was nervous, thinking about a 23 mile journey at 50 mph, trying to do the math, guessing that I should be able to squeak in at almost exactly 30 minutes. I had to take the freeway and a couple of toll roads. It was the fastest route, according to the Tom Tom GPS, but an old jalopy on the freeway at night doing only 50 is a bit hazardous.
It's also hazardous relying entirely on this GPS. It's failed me before. I chugged up the 405 looking for the 133 toll road, and as it neared, I realized that I was in the wrong lane. I was supposed to be in the exit lane which takes you to both directions of the 133, north and south. I thought the north exit was further down... what the hell was I going to do? This would mean doubling back from the next exit, and I would certainly be late.
It was a desperate last second move. With no time to spare, and with less room, I yanked the steering wheel of the old beast, and with tires screeching veered off the outside lane, across a flat median, and into the exit, barely missing a curb. I barely avoided rolling the old thing, I think. It might have been quite a sight from another lane, to see this old car suddenly make a zig zag off the freeway, and it would have been appropriate had people thought an accident was about to happen.
But it didn't, I was in the exit, on my way, nerves just a little frayed.
About thirty minutes later I arrived at the outside of a gated community. I was six minutes late. I would have to get past the rent-a-cops. I'd left the paperwork in the Town Car, and was radioing back and forth with another driver for the details. The address was also in the Tom Tom, for added reference. I pulled into the "resident" lane, simply because it was the closest to the security booth. The other driver called the couple to inform them of my timeframe, and they were not pleased.
"I'm here to pick up Melissa and Aaron," I said. "I have the address, but not a last name..."
"I'm going to have to ask you to exit," the guard said. "Make a U-turn up there, exit, and come around to the visitor's side."
Why not just take me in from this point? Is it really that big a deal? Making a U-turn is not so easy without the aid of hydraulics, asshole. I'm driving a relic, don't you see?
This cost me a good three minutes. I pull up into the visitor lane. The guard comes back out. "I gotta tell ya," he gleamed, "this is just phenomenal!" Yeah, yeah, it's a real-life London Cab, older than you, and I need to get inside pronto. I show him the address.
"You're in the wrong place," he said. "All our numbers are three or four digits, yours is five... and we don't have a 'Golf Club Drive'." Bullshit, I thought. This has to be the place. I radio back the other driver. "He says I'm in the wrong place..." "Ah, crap," came the reply. The guard went back inside to do some guard thing, then a minute later came back out.
"Oh, yeah, that's the clubhouse," he said. "I didn't recognize the street. It's straight ahead, second street. Turn right and the clubhouse is right there." I waited for the lumbering gate to open, all the while trying to wrap my brain around the absolute dimwittedness of a security guard who didn't know the location of the clubhouse that was merely two streets straight ahead. I mean... what the frickin' hell??
The old Austin chugged up the hill to the first street, where there was a stop sign. There was a queue of cars behind me, again. (All along the trip up the freeway, there was a queue of cars itching to make it out of this old car's wake).
I chug down to the next street, find my way to the clubhouse, and I see before me a bride and groom, standing, waiting, at the curb. Holy bejeesus. I am to pick up a bride and groom? I had no clue. I clunk to a stop and step out to meet them. They were not happy. By now it's 10:20.
I copped an earful about how frustrated they were with the tardiness of the cab. It turned out that the clubhouse was their wedding reception, and at 10pm, they would leave the clubhouse in some kind of "grand exit," to step into an awaiting old London Cab, and be wished a happy life together by the throngs of guests standing about. 10:00pm came and went, and everyone left. The bride, groom and a couple of immediate family members remained, waiting for me. Clearly, the old Austin was of no use any longer to them.
Clearly, if this was what the car was intended for, it should have been arranged to be at the Clubhouse well before 10pm. Somebody screwed up. I felt a little better knowing it wasn't all me.
I told them to forget the charges. Clearly, to me, it didn't make sense to pay for something they didn't get. They did offer to help with gas for the trip, and again I declined. I'd screwed it up this far, no point in making their entry into married life any more traumatic. The groom handed me a $20 for my trouble and at least shook my hand. I apologized again for the umpteenth time.
The trip back was uneventful. Same route, this time mostly downhill, so the old girl got a little bit of a break. I made it back to the hotel by about 11:15pm, and met Norma Jean, the other driver, at the office. I told her the whole story. She was as annoyed as I was about the apparent lack of planning for this event.
Then came the phone call to the boss. He was not pleased. "You did charge them, right?" Um, no. Nothing. I should have called him, he said, probably rightly so, although he would have no doubt embarrassed himself (and me) by trying to convince them by phone that they needed to pay.
So today, when I go back in, we'll have more to talk about. I am at least pleased with the experience of driving the old Austin. I think the old cab and I will get along fine, so long as it's not an everyday thing.
UPDATE: No problems with the boss.
As it happened, I had the old Austin out again Sunday, this time a more leisurely drive from Costa Mesa to Newport Beach, for a "birthday Dad." His wife arranged the party (along with their son), complete with him wearing a regal red king's cape and crown. Aside from a short jaunt the wrong way up a one-way street, it was all perfectly successful.
I had no idea John Wayne Airport (Orange County) could get that busy on a Sunday night. Not quite LAX busy, but busy nonetheless.

Here's a picture of a 1958 Austin London Cab... not
the cab I drove, but identical, right down to the color scheme. People would slow down to get a look at it. It turned more heads than I expected.
(The one above is available for sale in Maryland, for a cool $21,500).